Change Really IS Good!

I have been mulling over the word “change” lately, and what actually motivates us to succeed at permanent, personal change in our lives. I have attempted to come up with a process that makes sense intellectually to me, as well as appears to be reasonably realistic and achievable. Much of this is based on my recent coaching training which has already proved extremely helpful in my own life. My husband suggested I call this blog entry, “the Tough Love Blog”!

Most of us profess we “should” lose weight, exercise more, eat more healthily, cut down on spending, alcohol, cigarettes, etc., but what actually motivates us to initiate real change? There are the obvious outside motivators that create fear or desperation in us (health scare, loss of job, DUI, divorce, death of a spouse or other loved one, etc.), forcing us to either change or face catastrophe. Then there are internal motivators such as arriving at a place of dissatisfaction or discomfort and realizing that we must and WILL alter our behavior. It is the second motivator that I want to lay a hold of…to harness, so to speak, so that we stop spinning our wheels and go for the gusto! How does one consciously grab the need for change and use it as a spur for action, rather than wait for a crisis to kick us in the backside before we get busy?

Just like AA’s 12-step program, I first have to admit that change is necessary! I need to stop denying the facts: Do I weigh too much? Is my health poor because I have made it that way? Am I digging myself into a debt hole, spending more than I make? Do I have a bad marriage? Am I friendless? Do I hate my job? Is my house a disaster? During this step I take a hard look at my life and admit it’s not what it should be and it’s time for change.

The second step is to realize that I possess what it takes to fix my life. I can exert myself in ways I may not even realize. I have huge potential inside me to do great things, no matter how much I doubt that. Low self esteem doesn’t alter the truth about my ability to change.

The third step is to recognize that I am the problem! Not my spouse, job, the IRS or the economy. I must own my life choices, period. No more excuses, blaming others or wasting time dwelling on my handicaps. Of course, after I say this, I realize that some of us face health issues that we cannot fix, and that is a huge hurdle to overcome, but even in the face of health problems not of our own making, we can still choose to live our best life.

The fourth step is to focus on one aspect of life I want to change. Is it my health, marriage, job, house organization or finances? Just pick one. The principle here is, “baby steppin’, Doc” (I loved the movie, “What About Bob?”!) As an example, let’s say I decide my health needs changing, pronto.
The fifth step is to brainstorm several solutions to that one issue I want to change. Initially, I’ll list as many solutions as I can think of; I can eliminate the ridiculous later. Say I brainstorm such things as quitting smoking, getting more sleep, exercising, improving the quality food I consume, getting a
muscle transplant ☺, etc.

The sixth step is to pick ONE solution to implement. Don’t be disappointed. ONE is enough to start with; more than that and it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. So I decide I need to exercise.

The seventh step is to set a goal and a time frame during which I’ll implement my change. Let’s say I decide to exercise for 30 minutes, 3 days a week, for 3 months. I’ll ask myself a few questions relating to my goal: When should I do this? Where can I carve out the time and know I will be able to commit? So I choose to use my work lunch hour. I commit to walk for 30 minutes on my lunch hour. I will either ask a co-worker to be my walk buddy, or I will accompany myself with music or downloaded books on my iPod. I will bring an umbrella and waterproof shoes in case it rains. I will bring warm clothes in case it snows. I will not be deterred. If I am sick, I will reschedule for the next day. I will persevere for 3 months.

The eighth step is to assess the results at the end of my goal’s time period. I’ll ask myself some questions: How did that work for me? How do I feel as a result of meeting my goal? What were the benefits of that change in my life? How did my health improve (did my blood pressure/cholesterol/weight go down)? Am I sleeping better as a result? Do I feel more peaceful and in control of my life? If the results are positive, congratulations, I have incorporated a change in my life, time to celebrate! And then, keep on keepin’ on! If I don’t feel like this worked out very well, I need to go back and brainstorm another solution to the problem.

The ninth step is to repeat the process and initiate another change. Only I can come up with a reasonable solution and timeframe to test it in. Studies show that new habits are formed after 21 days after implementation. This is good!

So here's the tough love part: Don’t give up too quickly; most of the time, that’s the pattern of our lives. We suck at persevering. Don’t cave to your spoiled child tendencies. Tell yourself, “this is boot camp, baby, and you’re gonna suck it up for awhile!” You only have one life to live, so why not live it to the fullest?