We're WORTH the Change!

I have a confession: I LOVE the show, "Hoarders" on TLC! I know that is some sort of sick voyeurism, but I can't help it...I'm fascinated by what makes those folks tick. I also have to confess that I feel a huge sense of relief (mixed in with some smugness) that at least I'm not that bad! But deep down, I have a sneaking suspicion I could be one of them, given the right circumstances. In fact, I struggle with at least one area of hoarding: photos and memorabilia.

I can hardly bear to part with a single scrap of paper my children ever scribbled on. I hate the fact that there are photographs out there in the wide world in the possession of others, and I don't have a copy! Those pictures could potentially capture the absolute essence of my precious babies and I have never even SEEN them! That realization almost sends me into a panic attack. And the fact I have a granddaughter now (and grandson on the way), and her picture portfolio is managed by someone else other than me (her own mother, of course), is a thought I studiously avoid entertaining. I recently confessed to my mom that I believe I am a "memorabilia hoarder" and she replied, "yes you are!" Thanks Ma. To further add to my collecting stress, I recently started a life scrapbook for my father. He was born and raised in Butte, and my compulsion is leading me to visit the Butte archives just in case there's anything up there about him that MUST go into his scrapbook. Good luck on that mission, Peggy!

So how does this hoarding confession of mine tie in with the blog topic? Memorabilia/photo hoarding does not make me happy, not really. Oh, it fulfills a longing of mine: the hope that I can gather and keep life trapped so it doesn't slip away from me...that the tangible evidence of history in my possession somehow contains vital parts of the people I love, and if I hold onto them, I have protected and kept their lives. But that is a lie.

Now there's nothing wrong with commemorating and celebrating the lives of loved ones with scrapbooking-in fact I think it's one of the greatest forms of honoring. But the fact remains that photos and physical evidence of accomplishments are NOT the person him- or herself. This truth is tough for me. I feel like those scraps are exactly that...pieces of that person, and then when I toss out that evidence of life, I'm discarding a piece of him or her, which kills me. I am constantly at war with this compulsion. I have to choose to toss unflattering or duplicate photos out and take out the garbage right away so I can't second guess my decision. I have to limit my grieving when event photos turn out badly. I have to fight the urge to dig through my paper recycling box and LEAVE the discarded scraps of my prolific daughter's childhood artwork IN THE TRASH. Sigh. Sometimes I hate being me.

The good news is that I'm changing. I really am. I'm not completely free of my compulsion, but I'm getting better. I'm holding myself to a higher standard and talking myself through sorting decisions. I forced myself to go through my 7,000 digital picture collection on my computer, deleting duplicates (slight changes in subject's facial expressions ARE still duplicates, Peggy!), moving photos of non-family members to cd's to distribute personally (which I wish others would do for me!) as I couldn't bear just to delete them (once again, the notion that those pictures ARE that person!), and trashing the pix that are just plain bad shots. I'm also working on strengthening my deleting muscles as I practice discipline in this area.

But the biggie is that I must fully realize I have great value, simply because I exist, and that great value translates into the fact that I cannot afford to waste my life spinning in circles, ignoring the potential and power placed in me by my Creator!

Do you realize who we are? We are FORMED people. Crafted by One much more vast, powerful and intelligent than we are. One who, in spite of His incredible power, wisdom, and creativity, loves us as we are, but also loves us too much to let us stay the way we are. Here's the rub, however. He won't force change on us. We have to pick up our bag of inertia and partner with Him in realizing what He has for us. We were not crafted to slog around in the muck of self-hatred, complacency or futility. We have a calling, a life, potential, and purpose. At what point do we stop believing the lie that we can never be more than we are? That we can never change the fallout of our personalities and upbringing?

Today, realize who and what you are. That you are created in the image of GOD, a perfect being who makes no mistakes, period. Rise up to the challenge He's placing before you...to live a joyful, victorious life. He has handed us victory over the flesh, the earth, and those who oppose us. We just have to grasp the baton and start running (or maybe baby stepping!) Hebrews 12:1b-2a says, "...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on JESUS, the author and protector of our faith." Run baby, run!