The Price of Relational Peace

"Blessed are the peacemakers..." (Matthew 5:9a). I was mediating on peaceMAKING vs. peaceKEEPING, especially in regard to relationships. Peacekeepers are people desiring peace at any price, and relationally, they are willing to stuff the truth, and their feelings, in order to keep everyone happy. They hate conflict, and are unwilling to confront evil, even when it's staring them in the face, simply to keep the atmosphere calm. This isn't the peace Matthew 5:9 means. In fact, deep down, there is no peace in the midst of a dysfunctional relationship. Tru peacemaking often involves confrontation, calling out evil, and setting firm boundaries.

Think about World War II: If the United States had just turned a blind eye to the conflict outside our country, we would have allowed tyranny and mass horrors to continue. Peace could only come once Hitler and Germany were defeated; sacrifice and loss were required to restore order to the world. A madman came to power via a country unwilling to look at what was really happening, preferring instead the promise (peace) of a better economy. They chose, rather, to believe their leader's lies and follow him blindly, ignoring the cost.

In much the same way, many of us personally have failed to wage war against relational dysfunction. We put up with ridiculously bad behavior just to keep the relationship, financial stability, or perhaps for appearance's sake. But we cannot allow a tyrant to run rampant in our lives, whether the tyrant is us, a spouse, a boss, coworker, friend, or another family member! Nothing is worth the price of sacrificing True Peace. We must not allow intimidation or bullying to cow us into peacekeeping. The bullies must be confronted and limits set on their behaviors. And if you are the bully, get some help to stop! Your family and friends will be eternally grateful.

What keeps us from standing up to bullies and insisting on functional behavior? Fear and shame. The belief that we are all alone in the situation (we aren't-we have access to the Holy Spirit's power, and the advice from those who have "been there, done that" -the battle hardened ones), fear of losing the relationship, fear of being alone, fear of looking like an idiot, and sometimes, the very real fear of more abuse. Or we are mired in shame, perhaps stemming from a childhood spent living under abuse, which often breeds the lie that we deserve to be treated horribly, or shame we carry from past bad choices we made, as if we deserve lifelong punishment. We don't. Psalm 34:4-5 says, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

When abuse is present, whether physical, sexual, emotional or mental, run. Take the kids and get the hell out. Run to Safe Space or some other shelter, but don't take it another second longer. I was once in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and I hate to admit it, but I put up with it for five years. There were good times mixed in, so I would rationalize that every relationship had issues. But what really kept me bound was fear. I truly wanted out, but I lacked the skill set and courage to lay down boundaries and stick to my guns. When I finally had enough, I got out, but then spent years beating myself up for those five wasted years. I have since realize that God truly does work the good out of every situation, in spite of my bad choices, and the time was redeemed. It made me stronger, and able to deal with issues that came up in my 30+ year marriage, and learn how to stand firm on the truth, set boundaries, and insist on healthy behavior. It was a long journey, and I have not arrived, but I gained something priceless: I will not put up with bullying. I can love the bully, but I will speak the truth in love, and I will set limits, and will not allow a lie to stand, ever. And when the person I'm in relationship with refuses to respect my boundaries, it will be up to me to decide what to do about it-whether ending a friendship, spending less time with a bullying family member, leaving a job with an overbearing boss, or walking out of a temporarily abusive interaction. True relational peace has a price, and once we realize that our "weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds," (2 Corinthians 10:4), we realize our power. With divine help, we can defeat the stronghold of abuse, but we have to want it more than we want cheap, weak peace.

Deep Calls to Deep

"Deep calls unto deep
In the roar of Your waterfalls;
All your waves and breakers
Have Swept over me

Psalm 42:7 thoroughly captures my imagination: the depth of God calling out the spiritual truths He placed deep inside me from the time of my conception. This verse stirs up hope and an unnamed longing...that one day I'll fully understand the wonder of my created being and the victory over brokenness that Jesus obtained on the cross. That this realization will finally overpower my small thinking, and I'll fully grasp what it means to be a new creation in Christ: dead to sin and fully alive to His astonishing destiny for me!


Romans 6 says it so powerfully:

"...We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?... We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." (Romans 6:2,4,6,8,11-14).


Also 1 Corinthians 2:9:

'But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him,”' (referencing Isaiah 64:4).


What if we could truly grasp what it means to be dead to sin and fully alive in Christ? What if we could fully comprehend our Kingdom destiny? To live in absolute grace and freedom-to apprehend the love of Christ and make it known every moment of our lives? I think we would be either collapse on the floor in utter bliss or the world would be saved in a day!


I prayed this prayer today: Remove the scales from my eyes, oh Lord, and let me comprehend my true power and potential to be an ambassador for Your Kingdom. Let me sink below the surf and waves and rest in the calm of Your loving presence. Deliver me from myself and the slavery of living according to the world's standards and values. Give me great courage, joy and wisdom to walk with You every moment of my life. Amen.

Fill That Soul-Sucking Hole

I've been thinking. Well, I'm always thinking; my mind is a bionic hamster running on a wheel, a creature who never tires or stops. I need to tranquilize that little bugger...but anyway, I've been thinking.


What have I been thinking? Glad you asked! I have been thinking about how many of us, me included, destroy our lives through our choices, and even though our choices are slowly (or quickly) killing us, we continue down the road of self destruction. I prayed about this and had an aha moment.

We do this because our connection with God, the creator of our souls and only One who can truly satisfy us, is weak to nonexistent. When we neglect that connection, our souls turn to false gods to try and satisfy the ache within. We use other things in place of God, things that have no ability to satisfy the deep yearning that gapes within.


That yearning or holy desire was placed within us in order to ensure that we turn to God; that we commune with Him, as believe it or not, we were first and foremost designed to be spiritual beings. When we ignore or tamp down our spiritual side, filling it up with physical or emotional products only, the spiritual side cries out until we can't stand it and we frantically stuff more food, alcohol, sex, drugs, material things, success, fame, busyness...whatever we can find to take the edge of the hunger. But. it. doesn't. work.


It doesn't work because the clamoring spiritual part of us can only be satisfied SPIRITUALLY. So we go through life addicted to so many unsatisfying and potentially destructive things because we neglect to see that what we need is Jesus, period. Nothing else will satisfy because we were created in the image of God, and designed to only find our true satisfaction in Him. Bible verses confirming this:


Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."


Isaiah 58:11 "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail"


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"


John 4:14: "But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”


I then asked the Lord the practical question: How do we connect with Him?And I spent the next half hour in blissful connection as He met me and filled me, and I felt fully satisfied, as if I had no other needs at all. That is the secret. To stop and seek. To set our minds on Him and let Him meet us there. He is faithful and will fill us with good things-all that we need.


Matthew 6:31-34 "Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unbelievers eagerly seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."