On Leash

I spend much time walking my two dogs.

One of them, my Springer spaniel, Jed, I can let run free, off-leash. He keeps an eye on me and never strays too far, even though he's a high-energy guy who loves to race up and down the hillsides. He can be trusted to heel whenever I command him: through traffic, across streets, when other dogs are walking past, etc.

The other, my wimpy, neurotic Pomeranian, Sunny, needs a leash, as she has the single-minded tendency to run off to pursue her own agenda. More than once she has narrowly escaped death by car. Yikes! The other morning I let her off leash up in the hills, just to give her a bit more exercise running free. Within 15 minutes, I was furious with her. Initially, she lagged behind, sniffing this and that, totally ignoring my whistle. Then she trotted off in the opposite direction, forcing me to run her down and tackle her. Finally, she wandered into some thick bushes and wouldn't come out, no matter how forcefully (or sweetly) I called. I eventually crashed in after her, locating her near some rotten, dead creature, drug her out, and had to hoof it double-time back home in order to get to work on time...Grrr! On the way back home, scratched, sweaty, muddy, stinky, and plotting her swift transfer to the Animal Shelter, the Lord began to use her behavior to speak to me.

You see, I resemble Sunny much more in my relationship to the Lord than I do Jed. I ignore His summons, do my own thing, run off and hide from Him, and generally can't be trusted to stay in step with Him. I don't like this picture. It has been often said that D-O-G is G-O-D backwards, and I think it's true. I think the relationship of owner to pet is much like our relationship to God. And some of us aren't the most obedient, loyal, or well-behaved pets in the world!
So what does God have to do? He leashes us. I started thinking of the leashes in my life...straps that keep me from danger, disloyalty, hardship and heartache. One such leash is my health. Whenever I get on a manic, work-a-holic, Martha-ish kick, I get sick. The illness serves to slow me down, to get me into a position where the Lord can speak to me about HIS agenda, not mine. Another leash He uses is finances. While not a true shopper, I tend to look for things to buy when I'm unhappy or bored, gravitating to books. Then when the Amazon charge on my credit card shows up, I cringe, realizing I've substituted shopping for fellowship with the Lord. So I stop shopping and spend time reading, praying, and the all-important, LISTENING. Another leash He uses with me is relationship stress. When I get on a me-kick, my close relationships begin to fall apart. My first reaction is to blame my family and friends for their clingy codependency, until I finally humble myself enough to see my insensitivity and selfishness for what it really is.

I want to be off-leash. I want to be trustworthy, loyal and sensitive to the voice of the Lord. I want to be the child that doesn't have to be harnessed in the airport. I want to stay by His side and willingly, joyfully follow Him wherever He's going, ignoring the sometimes alluring scent of sin and self-gratification. He's much better than anything this world has to offer.

I'm actually grateful for His leash on me. It proves He loves me and cares for my well-being. Just as Sunny's leash protects her from loss and death, the Lord's leash protects me from self-destruction. I hate the leash...but I love it.
"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:7-11.

Fasting???!!!

Fast. The four letter word of Christianity. How it makes me squirm and sweat! I want it to be an old testament practice so I don't have to mess with it. BUT Jesus words clearly call me to the practice: "WHEN you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full." And He fasted FORTY days! So then, I must fast. My normal method is to just fast food...and drink a variety beverages to "keep up my strength."

 This, however, from Mark Buchanan's "Your God is Too Safe" convicted me: "The Fast God chooses teaches us to have his heart for the hungry, the oppressed, the naked, the homeless. It's to motivate us to do good works, God-works...what Isaiah calls repairing broken walls. When we taste a little brokenness ourselves, we have a greater sense of urgency to repair for others what is broken. Fasting is meant to scour our gut. It is God's intent that we would feel the pangs of hunger,the gnawing emptiness, the dizziness and weariness. That's how a third of the world lives. And if we never live that way even briefly, how will we learn to care for the least of these? Without hunger, our consumption will lead us deeper and deeper into acts of oblivious or intentional neglect, abuse, or exploitation of those who are hungry. Fasting gives us a small taste of what their world is like, a taste we will never get if we do not for a time forsake the taste of food."

 Ouch! Dizziness? Weariness? How will I make it through my work day? How will I function with customers? I am a serious wimp. I am an overfed American. My flesh rules me. How embarrassing. From Isaiah 58:5-9
"Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousnessa will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

So my flesh can scream and pout like a tantrum-throwing child, but I will let the humility of my weakness press me into God and I will drink only water. Help me, Lord. Teach me your ways and your path. Let me care more about your heart and my spiritual journey than satisfying my weak flesh.

9/11

Day 11 of my spiritual journey happens to fall on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. What a hellish day that was. The atrocity and tragedy of that day is burned in our collective memories; I can still see that second tower fall as I watched it on t.v. while it happened, tears running down my face, saying, "no, no, no!" over and over.

If I let bitterness dominate my heart, however, those who died that day will have died in vain. While I must to hate terrorism with all that is in me, I must not hate my enemies. Christ commanded, "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matt. 5:44). That, of course, is impossible unless we possess the agape love from the Father. We love only because "...He first loved us" (1Jn.4:19). Those who claim to love from the world's perspective offer only stolen grace. Those of us who were bought by the precious blood of Jesus know there is no grace without a cost. But for ALL who believe and call on the name of the LORD, there is grace that pays for every sin.

 I'm so grateful and moved today by the fact that I am truly free. Free to walk through my journey knowing He took every evil thing that has happened and will happen upon Himself, and will redeem every injustice, every hardship, even every atrocity, and turn it to good. May those who follow false Gods or no God at all, be filled with the knowledge of the one true God, repent and turn from their sin, receive salvation, and be examples and witnesses of Christ to the lost and floundering world. Amen.

40 Days

About a month ago, I started feeling like I need to change some things in my life; mainly, I want to live with purpose. To live a life sold out to Christ. To stop treating Him like a fishing buddy I call on just whenever I feel like fishing.

 So this past Thursday I began a 40-day journey of dedication. I have sworn off the frivolous (Facebook games, fictional books, time wasting activities, fluff-movies, etc.), and will replace them with things of substance (study, prayer, fasting, listening to God, opening my eyes to the things He's trying to show me, writing, completing previously procrastinated projects, etc.)

During this journey, I pray I gain wisdom and revelation. Peace and Passion. Purpose and victory. I want to turn from the trinkets and trifles of this world, and live with God's perspective on things. WHOM do I need to befriend, help, or encourage? WHAT do I need to do with this precious day that I get to live through just once? WHERE is God asking me to go? I need to shuck off the whiney, poor me, self-absorbed crap, and follow in his footsteps. Acts 17:28 says, "For in Him we live, move, and have our being." This is what I'm going to do...