I still squirm at the memory, haunted by my weakness, feeling so much like Peter, who denied Christ three times, after boldly protesting he would do no such thing. I am a spineless worm. I replayed the conversation over and over, trying to figure out when I first fell. For there was a crucial point when I could have gently but firmly said, "Hey, I really want to talk about the amazing things the Lord has been showing me." Or, "hey, let's not talk about that, we're gossiping here." You see I failed with a capital "F!" I failed to TESTIFY to the goodness and glory of God. I went from being a woman burning for Jesus and the things of God to a woman of ash in less than 15 minutes. I secretly imagine I would die for Christ, that I would never deny Him, but even in the simple test of a CONVERSATION (for goodness' sake) with only my friend's (who doesn't even live nearby) opinion of me at stake. And if the truth were known, I don't even think I really like this friend anymore. She draws out the worst in me. She has no real desire to follow Him. She is pursuing a "free" Christianity, completely convinced of the grace of God, but no desire to know Him or respect for His holiness, and I became just like her in less than an hour.
I want to contrast that conversation with a recent one I had with my son, a man so filled with passion for Jesus, I am totally convinced he would die for Him in a heartbeat. He walks around looking for people to minister and witness to. Within 15 minutes of this contrasting conversation, I was so ignited with vision, purpose and boldness, I felt ready to bust down the walls of the hospital and go heal the sick! I was excited, burning with Zeal, and completely in love with my Savior. I want to BE a Woman of Fire. Not just act like one. I want to be someone who couldn't care less about the opinions and assessments of others, and run with the Holy Spirit no matter what. That MY fire would ignite the tinder of others.
"As long as we are close to Jesus, we will have a passion for Jesus. A passion for Jesus only overtakes us when we have an extraordinary encounter with Him. We must continue to purify our heart to stay in relationship with Jesus. A relationship with Jesus is an extremely passionate relationship. A passion for Jesus is a call for action that overcomes you when you encounter Jesus. A passion for Christ comes from knowing in your heart that Jesus defeated death and is alive today forever."
"A Passion for Jesus Comes From a Purified Heart.
How can you have a passion for Jesus unless this passion consumes you? A passion for Jesus can only occur if your heart is purely devoted to Jesus and God's purposes.
Draw Away From Jesus And You Will Lose Your Passion.
As long as Peter was close to Jesus, Peter was full of passion for Jesus. It is when Peter was separated from Jesus that his faith waned concerning Jesus."
"A Passion for Jesus Comes From a Pierced Heart.
A passion for Jesus only overtakes us when we have an extraordinary encounter with Him. Jesus and His resurrection must be experience to be believed. A passion for Jesus only occurs when He touches our heart and pierces it with His truth, His goodness, His love, and His grace."
"Astonishment Is What Creates A Passion for Jesus.
A relationship with Jesus is an extremely passionate relationship. A passion for Jesus is a call for action that overcomes you when you encounter Jesus. This encounter is so life-changing that your only desire is to continue to have more and more encounters with Christ."
"A Passion For Christ Comes When We Believe in His Resurrection.
A passion for Christ comes from knowing in your heart that Jesus defeated death and is alive today forever. The essence of having a passion for Christ is coming into the reality that Jesus (God in the flesh) defeated death on the cross and was resurrected from the dead." (from http://www.access-jesus.com/passion-for-jesus.html)
So then I must pursue HIM to the exclusion of everything else. I must so hunger and thirst for Him, that nothing else will satisfy. That I will not tolerate crap conversation. That I will not condone and participate in sin.
“And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with self-control, right conduct, and devotion to God” (Titus 2:12).
“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord” (Romans 12:11).
“Do not put out the Spirit’s fire” (1 Thessalonians 5:19).
“fan into flame the gift of God” (2 Timothy 1:6).
"I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit AND FIRE" Matthew 3:11; John the Baptist)."
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12:28-29).
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:1-2a).
You see, we are not called to be People of Ash, or even People of Glowing Embers, but PEOPLE OF FIRE! For Heaven's sake, WHAT on this earth can compare to the power, majesty and love of God?
Imagine this:
"Then I turned to see [whose was] the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lamp stands, and in the midst of the lampstands [One] like a Son of Man, clothed with a robe which reached to His feet and with a girdle of gold about His breast. His head and His hair were white like white wool, [as white] as snow, and His eyes [flashed] like a flame of fire. His feet glowed like burnished (bright) bronze as it is refined in a furnace, and His voice was like the sound of many waters. In His right hand He held seven stars, and from His mouth there came forth a sharp two-edged sword, and His face was like the sun shining in full power at midday.
When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as if dead. But He laid His right hand on me and said, Do not be afraid! I am the First and the Last, and the Ever-living One [I am living in the eternity of the eternities]. I died, but see, I am alive forevermore; and I possess the keys of death and Hades (the realm of the dead)" (Revelation 1:12-18, Amplified).
Everything pales in comparison to this Glorious One. He spoke creation in being! He parted the Red Sea, shook the mountains and tamed the Deep. He is not to be trifled with.
One of my favorite passages about our powerful God comes out of C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, in which Aslan, THE lion, represents Christ:
"Is - is he a man?" asked Lucy
"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion, the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, abd make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the king I tell you."
How is it possible I can fear a weak, erring, insecure and CREATED person, but not THE CREATOR/ALL-POWERFUL KING??? Talk about lunacy! I have resolved: I WILL worship, serve and FEAR Him only, so HELP ME God.
I am quite often in the ashes. It's so hard to stay on that mountain top when God calls us to live among the people in the valley. The valley people drag us down and the mundane tasks of the day keep us from our pursuit of holiness.
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