Think about World War II: If the United States had just turned a blind eye to the conflict outside our country, we would have allowed tyranny and mass horrors to continue. Peace could only come once Hitler and Germany were defeated; sacrifice and loss were required to restore order to the world. A madman came to power via a country unwilling to look at what was really happening, preferring instead the promise (peace) of a better economy. They chose, rather, to believe their leader's lies and follow him blindly, ignoring the cost.
In much the same way, many of us personally have failed to wage war against relational dysfunction. We put up with ridiculously bad behavior just to keep the relationship, financial stability, or perhaps for appearance's sake. But we cannot allow a tyrant to run rampant in our lives, whether the tyrant is us, a spouse, a boss, coworker, friend, or another family member! Nothing is worth the price of sacrificing True Peace. We must not allow intimidation or bullying to cow us into peacekeeping. The bullies must be confronted and limits set on their behaviors. And if you are the bully, get some help to stop! Your family and friends will be eternally grateful.
What keeps us from standing up to bullies and insisting on functional behavior? Fear and shame. The belief that we are all alone in the situation (we aren't-we have access to the Holy Spirit's power, and the advice from those who have "been there, done that" -the battle hardened ones), fear of losing the relationship, fear of being alone, fear of looking like an idiot, and sometimes, the very real fear of more abuse. Or we are mired in shame, perhaps stemming from a childhood spent living under abuse, which often breeds the lie that we deserve to be treated horribly, or shame we carry from past bad choices we made, as if we deserve lifelong punishment. We don't. Psalm 34:4-5 says, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."
When abuse is present, whether physical, sexual, emotional or mental, run. Take the kids and get the hell out. Run to Safe Space or some other shelter, but don't take it another second longer. I was once in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and I hate to admit it, but I put up with it for five years. There were good times mixed in, so I would rationalize that every relationship had issues. But what really kept me bound was fear. I truly wanted out, but I lacked the skill set and courage to lay down boundaries and stick to my guns. When I finally had enough, I got out, but then spent years beating myself up for those five wasted years. I have since realize that God truly does work the good out of every situation, in spite of my bad choices, and the time was redeemed. It made me stronger, and able to deal with issues that came up in my 30+ year marriage, and learn how to stand firm on the truth, set boundaries, and insist on healthy behavior. It was a long journey, and I have not arrived, but I gained something priceless: I will not put up with bullying. I can love the bully, but I will speak the truth in love, and I will set limits, and will not allow a lie to stand, ever. And when the person I'm in relationship with refuses to respect my boundaries, it will be up to me to decide what to do about it-whether ending a friendship, spending less time with a bullying family member, leaving a job with an overbearing boss, or walking out of a temporarily abusive interaction. True relational peace has a price, and once we realize that our "weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds," (2 Corinthians 10:4), we realize our power. With divine help, we can defeat the stronghold of abuse, but we have to want it more than we want cheap, weak peace.
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